things have really heated up in the bedroom

I mean it. I am one hot mama.


ahem


Now before my male readership starts calling Jay to congratulate him and gives him 'atta boys' and slaps him high-fives, or worse, gets his hopes up, perhaps I should explain.


Jay has always had a fair amount of pain in his lower back from an old injury which in itself would make a great post. But it's his story to tell...not mine. Anyway, most beds are just not comfortable for him, and he has a hard time getting a good night's sleep.


That being said, a few months ago, in an attempt to alleviate his discomfort, we gave away a perfectly good, relatively new pillow-top mattress set, sold our kidneys and purchased one of these.














For those of you who don't recognize it, it's a Tempur-Pedic "Sleep System."


Because we're fancy.


And that picture...In the cave? It looks relaxing, doesn't it?


I found it quite interesting, and actually truth in advertising, that they photographed this bed surrounded by rock since that is indeed how heavy this slab of foam is and what the mattress feels like when you schlep it home.


You see, the ads brag about the unparallelled "support" of this memory foam stuff and tell you several things "disclaimer-style" in their pitch like:

1) may be very firm at first...you have to break it in

2) may have a "slight chemical smell" for the first few weeks


That's pretty much what they tell you some folks may consider 'negatives' when purchasing the "last mattress you'll ever buy."


Now, don't get me wrong. The "firmness" that the sales people readily try to explain is not really my issue with our new "sleep system." Because truth be told, I am so darn tired by the time I go to bed, I could probably sleep on a slab of actual bedrock in that cave pictured above. So that is not my problem.


With names like "Grand, BellaSonna, Allura, Celebrity, Rhapsody, Prima, Deluxe, Classic, and Symphony" it's no wonder I had no idea what we were actually getting into when we spent our children's college funds bought our new bed.


I personally think these fancy "sleep systems" should bear names like: Broiling BellaSonna, Ardent Allura, Raging Rhapsody, Searing Celebrity, or Sizzling Symphony.


Now that would be truth in advertising.


And you wanna know why?


Because this bed conjures up heat better than my crock pot. And frankly, on any given night, should you crave a midnight snack, you could probably cook up a grilled cheese or fry up an egg right on my side.


Ohmylordybe! The heat! It is hot!


There is no respite from this raging inferno that has become my bed. The only relief is if the other side is empty and you can flop your broiling behind onto it and hear the "ssss" when your fiery flesh meets the welcome cool of the vacant griddle.


Jay has been out of town this week, and my sleep has resembled a rotisserie. The only positive thing I can think of about being cooked while you sleep is that meat shrinks when it cooks, right?


I think I'll just sprinkle myself with a little seasoning salt tonight before bed with hopes of waking up to a size 6 in the morning.


shake shake shake


Good night.


And wish me luck.