sharing our stupidity for the common good

Has your kid ever opened a present, and you silently wondered to yourself, What were they thinking?!


For instance, a present with no less than 1,001 pieces. 1,001 little pieces. 1,001 little pieces that you can't even imagine being fun to play with because you can only visualize digging them out of the couch. Or searching for them under large pieces of furniture. Or prying them from your now-broken vacuum cleaner. Or better yet, stepping on them in the middle of the night on the way to check on the little ningnong who left them out in the first place, causing you physical harm and now sleep deprivation because you wake the entire household with your shrieks of pain and unintelligible profane gibberish... hypothetically.


Ahem.


The littles got Nerf guns this year from their MawMaw and PawPaw. Both littles. With EXTRA darts. Uh huh, you read correctly. And not those little wimpy guns that shoot the dart at such a speed and arc that you can nearly outrun it to the other side of the room. Oh no, these guns can go the distance, and have now been unleashed into the hands of littles with no experience to speak of and even less discretion.


Is anyone hearing me?


Let's say it together: What were they thinking?!


I kid you not, the wrapping paper had barely been cleared from the floor, when someone loaded the gun, cocked it, and handed it to the two-year-old.


The next thing we know, he shoots from the hip, and fires a dart with the speed and accuracy of a heat-seeking missile and nails my sister-in-law right between the eyes in the center of her forehead! And sticks!! From 12 feet away!!!


I KNOW!!!


Once all the oxygen had been sucked from the room with a collective gasp, good parents that we are, we attempted to disarm the little terrorist and congratulate him for superior aim and sniper skills reprimand and caution him about where he shoots in the future... only we didn't get the chance because the entire Victory clan is now falling off their chairs, howling with laughter. Including the "wounded." It's rather hard to discipline a two-year-old when he now knows that he is the life of the party!


There are no words to express how extremely sorry I was. I felt terrible! I can only be thankful that "Aunt Sandy" didn't lose an eye, that the offending dart did not leave a giant hickey on her noggin, and that she has a fantastic sense of humor!


I guess it's not a total loss if there was a lesson learned:

"To ensure that you do not end up on the wrong end of a Nerf gun, it is vitally important that you take considerable care when arming the littles in your life. And more importantly, to properly scrutinize the, ahem, adults who are willing to load, cock and put firearms in the hands of a toddler."

This has been a friendly Public Service Announcement.