things i would never have known if it weren't for my kids

that silence for longer than .08 seconds means somebody's into something

that a 2 year old can find and then carry an almost full container of liquid detergent from the laundry room to the kitchen

that he can then open and empty an almost full container of detergent all over the floor without any accomplices his older siblings seeing or hearing anything

that a 2 year old boy drenched in liquid laundry detergent is slippery

that after a thirty minute shower, a 2 year old will remain sticky to the touch

that towels used to soak up gooey mess cannot be washed in a single load without a volcanic type eruption of bubbles cascading out of the washing machine

that each sock of a two year old boy sitting in a puddle of liquid laundry detergent harbors enough cleaning power to do one load each (this would have been good to know before washing the stupid towels)

that the kitchen floor remains a hazard up to several weeks after said incident

that in order to slide like a monkey on a banana peel glide across the floor with all the panache of an Olympic figure skater, all you do is add water

that he's lucky he's cute...it makes it easier to let him live another day