old faithful

As you know, we have been in our new old house for a couple of weeks now. We have had some, let's see, 'interesting' things happen since then. I will share one with you now.

I thought we had pretty much covered the laundry thing here and here and here, but sadly we will revisit this beloved subject for hopefully the last time.

On our second day in the house, my helpful and handy husband decides to throw in a load of clothes to get the "catching up" process started. All is well until we hear the unmistakable sound of water hitting the tile floor. He enters the laundry room (conveniently located next to the kitchen with an exterior door leading to Sanford & Son's warehouse the back patio), shuts off the washer and begins sweeping water out the door with a broom. Then, perplexed as to why the washer is not draining properly, but not immediately interested in actually resolving the issue, he proceeds to remove the washer hose from the pipe and holds it out the door while it shoots water and bubbles in an impressive arc onto the patio and into the grass. What with the Y-chromosome and all, he is pretty darn proud of himself about now, you know, what with figuring out how to overcome the laundry obSTACle and all.

Laundry has once again become the bane of my existence as I can no longer just throw in a load of clothes to wash and go on my merry multi-tasking way, but must babysit the washer in the following manner:

HOSE UP while the washer fills with water and throughout the first cleansing cycle.

HOSE OUT during the drain and spin process.

HOSE UP while the washer fills with water for the rinse cycle.

HOSE OUT during the final drain and spin.

Did I mention I had to turn the washer around backwards so the hose will reach out the door? Well, yes, I did. Ridiculous, isn't it?

Wouldn't it be better for Jay to just unclog the drain, you ask?

Why yes, yes it would.

But that would just be too easy. And easy? That is NOT how we do things around here, thankyouverymuch. Besides, in Jay's opinion, that would totally eliminate the excitement of the near-misses when you dare leave the washer's side and become involved in another activity while THE WASHER is in fact WASHING. During such a poor lack of judgment, bad things can happen...



like...



A geyser-sized spray of water can and will hose down the entire laundry room, including the stack of clean, neatly folded, but not yet put away pile of clothes on top of the dryer.

Hearing the "click" that the washer makes during the 1.8 second span between cycles can and will cause you to hurtle over large pieces of furniture and small children in slow-mo style while bellowing "THEEE BUUUTTTOOONNN!!! HIITTT THEEEE BUUUTTTOOONNN!!!" in an attempt to get that blasted hose out the door before "Old Faithful" blows again.

But the up-side? Is there one, you ask?

Always. Perhaps two.

First, I have gotten to know my washer in ways I never thought possible, not to mention necessary. I now know its inner-workings and sounds better than I think is healthy. I can now distinguish an "I'm going to jiggle your clothes clean" sound from the more ominous "I'm about to throw up all over your laundry room again" sound with the greatest of ease. We have spent immeasurable amounts of time together during the last two weeks and are now intimately bonded. Enough so, I'm thinking he it owes me dinner.

AND you could eat off my laundry room floor. It is, by far, the cleanest surface in the house.